Parents Need Romance Too

Parents, perhaps more than anyone else, require the loving spice of sexy affection that is romance passing between them. They won’t die without it, if by life you mean only the active heartbeat that can be sustained through artificial, mechanical means. Romance is not essential to life like air, water, food, sleep and exercise, but it is a necessity for genuine matrimonial bonding. Friendship and love-making, humane teamwork, honest communication and giving one another space for regrouping are all integral to the thriving marriage, but no more so than the consistent nurturing of the romantic spark of secret infatuation that lives when it is shared.

The influence of romance in your marriage impacts your children deeply. A dearth of it drains you emotionally and encloses your sentiment with blank stares, making you seem inaccessible and therefore unreliable to your child. The child who feels this deficit of emotional bonding soon demonstrates an excess of difficult behavior. On the other hand, when spouses give play to their romantic sides, they bring the their own overflowing heart to their child, nurturing child’s trust with bright, loving patience, unity and understanding that naturally inspires the child’s most caring self-direction.

Beyond impacting your capacity to bond with your child, the quality of your relationship with your mate models the kind of relationship your child will form and gravitate toward. A marriage hardened by a lack of loving softness leads children to relate insensitively with others, with themselves, and toward their environment; and it often drives them to compensate by entering wildly fiery relationships that toss responsibilities to the wind.

Out of love for our child, then, we parents need to remember that parents need romance too, and most likely most of all. Romance may include flowers and candy, perfume and feathers, a dance on a date, but not necessarily. Those special eruptions of the internal, volcanic warmth that builds through mild affectionate interplay over time are just punctuations that occasionally mark the sentence of daily kindling. Romance grows through caring looks, soft kisses that may last only a second, a fleeting touch as you walk by that leaves both wanting more.

We adults often find it easier to trust young children with our hearts than other adults because in childhood adults intimidated us with the threat of their size. The conditioning of childhood shapes the personality for a long time, until self-work undoes the limitations. So we carry our childhood fears of other adults, until we confront them.

Confronting your fear of intimacy is the first real step to kindling, or rekindling, the spark of romance and claiming or retrieving a love-life. Take total responsibility for the way that you relate with your mate. If you cannot trust her, it is not she who needs to change. If you cannot lovingly look, touch, and embrace in a way that returns infatuation, it is not he who dams the flow of romance in your life.

How you see your mate is not your mate’s responsibility. The attitude you express toward another is an experience you give to yourself. Don’t wait for your mate to thaw your heart’s frost. Engage the warmth of a giving look melt the barriers that protect only loneliness. It only takes a momentary glance that says, “You are safe with me.” You are always free to set out in a new direction. One baby step is enough to soon hear yourself calling your lover “baby” once again.

Bob Lancer leads individuals, businesses, families, and associations to fulfill their greatest dreams. He does this through a wide variety of venues, including his WSB radio show, Bob Lancer’s Parenting Solutions, a show that focuses as much on the raising of ourselves and of our society as on the raising of children. The show has been on the air since 1995 and broadcasts to 35 states over the radio, and worldwide over the internet.

He is the author of numerous books and he has created dozens of motivational recordings on his themes.

Bob Lancer transforms audiences through his dynamic keynotes and seminars on parenting, marriage, and personal and professional development at live events, including conferences around the nation and overseas. He has been leading his audiences to greater personal and professional success as a public speaker, seminar leader, consultant and author for over 20 years and his work has been featured on CNN and other network television stations, in national magazines and in major newspaper.

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Teen Fantasy Adventure Books For Young Adults – The Triple Threat Approach

Modern literary and cinematic hits like Harry Potter, Twilight, and Hunger Games targeted at teen and young adult audiences have translated into huge profit for authors, publishers and film producers alike, but their success may boil down to good old fashioned escapism and what could be called a triple threat technique of appealing to a significantly wide range of readers. Arguably, the success of young adult fantasy books can be accredited to a writer’s and publisher’s ability to manufacture brands that resonate with the needs and desires of this most impressionable and diverse coming of age demographic, and it appears that what this audience wants most is to escape from reality in a big way. Further, a triple threat approach is emerging, wherein authors use a combination of unusual worlds, extreme battles, and complicated romance that crosses traditional marketing boundaries of age and sex.

The weirder the world, the better. There’s nothing like magic to instantly transport the reader out of the realm of the ordinary, and all three series make the most of drawing the reader into foreign territory from the start. The wizarding world of Harry Potter is now legendary in its appeal to readers of all ages, while the idea of vampires and werewolves living among us makes every small town a possible setting for adventure. Surviving in a dystopian society like that of The Hunger Games seems to tie in with the doomsday prepper mindset sweeping popular culture.

Everybody wants to be a hero. While a world of magic may have universal appeal, throw in an unlikely hero and the pull of the story increases exponentially. The thrill of Hogwarts is heightened when seen through the eyes of a prepubescent Harry; a vulnerable Bella Swan fending off vampires and werewolves through the power of her mind is a fascinating take on the damsel in distress motif, and Susan Collins puts a twist on the hero theme and draws in a slew of readers of both sexes by making the noble protagonist a tough minded fighter and a girl.

While J.K. Rowling holds off on the romance until later in the Harry Potter series, complicated romantic relationships figure prominently in both Twilight and The Hunger Games from the start. The love triangle is historically a staple of romance novels, but is proving to be a force to be reckoned with in modern adventure books for young adults. All three series’ present romantic relationships with a high level of complexity and progression, not as just asides to the action in an adventure novel.

There appears to be a growing movement toward writing stories that combine quests, battles and romance not as singular plot elements, but as full fledged stories within novels, something of a return to the epic sagas of the literary past.

For example, debut author C. Grant employs a vivid imagination and pretend adventures from his childhood to produce a coming of age escape novel with triple threat appeal. He fuses fantastic adventure, heroic battles, and fiery romance against the backdrop of a vast and mysterious world of staggering heights and unfathomable depths in Sons of Caasi: Battle for Time, the first book in an epic other worldly fantasy series for young adults.

“Today’s authors seem to consciously write for more than one audience at a time, and the combination of adventure, battle, and romance lends itself to reaching a broader set of readers. I also think taking a multi-audience approach deepens the story and stretches my creativity – I have to write convincingly in more than one vein to make my stories credible. It’s almost like writing three books at once.”

Ultimately, the proof is in the pudding, and from the enormous popularity and record breaking sales of the Harry Potter, Twilight and Hunger Games series’ this triple threat approach is fast becoming the new standard in Teen Fantasy Adventure.

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